5. *NSYNC/BACKSTREET BOYS/ NKOTB
Say what you will about these boy bands, but it’s an undeniable fact that boy bands today are nothing like how they used to be. The few that I’ve briefly come across are all from Disney Channel or Nickelodeon. God damnit, at least N*SYNC,The New Kids and the Backstreet Boys had enough self respect and dignity to not have their own sitcom. These “boys” brought the little girls together. It was always a blast talking about your favorite singer in whichever boy band with your friends and then hating the bitch that liked the same one as you (Listen, Brooke from 1st grade, Lance is still mine…even if he is gay). Due to the number of guys per group, there wasn’t all that much animosity going on, but it’s like every girl for herself today. Everyone wants J. Bieb, Joe Jonas or Nick Jonas whereas before you had the selection of JC, Justin, Chris, Joey, Lance, Kevin, Nick, AJ,Howie, Brian, Jordan & Jonny (the bros come in a pair), Joey M, Danny or Donnie. It’s all about the variety, people!
4. “ME WANT COOKIE!”
The Cookie Monster was one of the most popular characters on Sesame Street. I don’t know about you, but I definitely said “Om nom nom nom,” while eating my cookies. I still do. I understand that childhood obesity is growing exponentially in the US, but getting rid of the Cookie Monster was possibly the biggest mistake in PBS history. Jim Henson would be totally shakin’ his head at this Veggie Monster thing. I will be very surprised if my little cousins start saying “Om nom nom nom” while eating a celery stalk…I will also weep.
3. The Original 151
-Dr. Dre
Quick question: what the hell are those things that people are calling the “new” Pokemon? They’re absolutely hideous. The original 151 Pokemon are still by far the coolest. The Pokemon cards were like the crack of the playground; everyone wanted them. Some enthusiasts even had the collector’s binder. Bitches would get fuqed up if anyone touched someone else’s binder. I personally remember waking up one morning in the second grade to my neighbor ringing my doorbell asking if I would trade my Farfetch’d for his Rapidash because he really needed a Pokemon that could “Fly”. This would be a normal thing growing up. Will my children get the opportunity to be the coolest Pokemon trainer in the hood? Probably not. I apologize in advance.
2. Fuck you, Pixar
Some of the most touching Disney movies were created by traditional animation. They were so huge that we still talk about them today. For example, The Lion King is still an in demand Broadway show, everyone’s cats are named Simba or Nala, and though this taints the innocence of the movie, the term “Rafiki” is now used. For those who are fortunate enough to not know what being Rafiki’d is, I’m sorry, but I’m about to ruin your purity. It is when a male ejaculates on your forehead and then smudges it across with his thumb while saying, “Simba.” I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But do you see my point? There aren’t many movies today that will be all that monumental. Bambi? The Little Mermaid? The ORIGINAL Cinderella? The Jungle Book? Traditional animation took real talent. I think the tediousness of it all added to the quality of the movie. The only movies that I can think of that Pixar has created and may prove to be prevalent in future generations are Finding Nemo and Toy Story; a fish with a shriveled fin and a bunch of possessed toys. SMH.
1. “Hee-hee!”
Michael Jackson and Bubbles- Jeff Koons
Michael,Michael,Michael…how we miss you. Michael Jackson was such a dynamic person to watch. Who didn’t turn on VH1 to watch the “Thriller” video or the “I’m Bad” video? Though some people were beginning to start to dislike him once the scandals came about, everyone still respected his music. Ask anyone where they were on June 25, 2009 when they heard that MJ died. I distinctly remember the day. I was waiting in line to see Taking Back Sunday at the Webster Theatre. First, a man came out of his house outraged screaming, “Ya’ll hear?! Michael died! Michael DIED! HE DIED! MICHAEL!” I had no idea what this distressed man was screaming out. I thought one of his homies died. But then, my boyfriend at the time texted me saying that Michael Jackson had a heart attack, but he was still alive. Next thing you know, everyone is getting phone calls and text messages that he actually died. I then dumped him for giving me false information on the King of Pop. Just kidding. But in all seriousness, who is going to measure up to his talent and mind-boggling image? I’ll tell you who, my future child…
skwonzai 